I woke up this morning expecting to see an interview I’d done with ‘Best’ magazine. I was really looking forward to it as it meant that the issues around adoption would be given visibility again. And then I saw the headline and my heart sank. “Yes we bought our dream family but don’t judge us.” This wasn’t me. It wasn’t our story: central to our decision to adopt was the view that we we not buy or pay for a baby. That belief was at the core of our decision. Rick and I also agreed that if a mother was giving her baby away for money and money only then we would not be involved. Of course if the sub who produced the headline had read the story s/he would have been shocked to find s/he was a million miles away from the truth.
In fact on the occasions we were offered children as a transaction – and this is documented in the article- we declined. As for money, well yes of course you have to spend money to adopt. You spend to fill in forms. You spend money with your local council on the Home Study so a social worker can probe your lives. You spend money with the UK government. And you end up spending loads more money because quite often the latter messes your around. We spent money on airfares and accommodation in Mexico because we felt that if we waited for the authorities to come up with a match for us it would never happen.
As for the notion of a ‘dream family’ again that is totally inaccurate. The concept itself suggests some sort of genetic selection. Quite seriously if you wanted a dream family would you adopt children from parents you had never met? Yes we hoped and dreamed of having a family but as for a dream or perfect family well if you think adoption is a route to perfectly formed children in every way then you have another giving. It is about giving children who do not have a home, a place to be safe, secure and loved. It’s about sharing and caring. That was our dream family, and luckily despite governmental inefficiencies it has come true and hopefully with my work more children will have a shot at a proper life. As for buying a dream family, anyone with that notion is probably not the person to care for children.